Susan Hated Literature

Yeah, that’s right, it is time for the return of The X Factor. I do love this show. I also hate it. Telly and I have a complex relationship. Just deal with it.

And this year we have a new judge, Cheryl somewan or other. From Girls Aloud, so the interwebs reveal. ooohhhh. Colour me impressed!

And the show starts off with a totally ott arrival of the four judges. In FOUR different helicopter. Won’t some one think of the environment. And of course references to whatsherface, you know, yer wan what sang about her bleedin heart. Leona. And yes, before you start, I pay no attention to these shows once we get past the point and laugh stage. Which is mean and nasty and bitchy. But oh so much fun.

I do feel sorry for a lot of these people. So called contenders that really can’t sing. Have they never heard themselves sing? Has no one ever said “don’t go on the telly singing, because while you’re grand at the karaoke, you aren’t good enough to go in front of Mr. Brutal”. I guess if they all listened to that then the likes of The X Factor wouldn’t be so popular.

I’m really enjoying Cheryl’s reactions. She seems so horrified that the auditions are so terrible. She was expecting a higher standard. ha! Has she never watched the show?

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Dir: Philip G. Atwell
Writ: Lee Anthony Smith & Gregory J. Bradley

• Jet Li … Rogue
• Jason Statham … Jack Crawford
• Devon Aoki … Kira
• Luis Guzmán … Benny

Supposedly this is a martial-arts action film about an FBI agent hunting down an assassin because he killed the cop’s partner. But in reality there isn’t enough plot for that. Which is very surprising because there is a LOT of story and very little martial arts. There is a fair amount of action, but it is all things we’ve seen before.

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Author: Laurell K. Hamilton
ISBN: 1841494747 DDC: 813.54
#14 in the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter verse
Read for the RIP Challenge
See also: LibraryThing ; Voracious Reader ; It’s not the heat, it’s the humanity

It was the middle of November. I was supposed to be out jogging, but instead I was sitting at my breakfast table talking about men, sex, werewolves, vampires, and that thing that most unmarried but sexual active women fear most of all - a missed period.

It all went downhill so quickly in this series. The first few books were good solid entertainment. Plenty of action and fairly decent characters. But now they are all merely vehicles for Anita to have sex with as many people as she can. And to top it all they are badly written as well. Thank god I got this one from the library and didn’t shell out actual cash for it.

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Honesty from Eddie O’Sullivan; a shocking game. Not up to par. Etc.

My opinion: Holy Fucking Jesus! 32-17! Christ on mother-fucking bike!^[1]

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Dir: Andrew Davis
Writ: Ron L. Brinkerhoff

• Kevin Costner - Ben Randall
• Ashton Kutcher - Jake Fischer
• Sela Ward - Helen Randall
• Melissa Sagemiller - Emily Thomas
• Clancy Brown - Capt. William Hadley

Grizzled old veteran teaches impudent new pup how to be a rescue swimmer.
And that is about it.

But if that was all I said it’d make for a pretty short review, so I’ll just bullshit away here for a few minutes. The Guardian is a pretty crap version of Top Gun only instead of planes and war you get oceans and rescues. But the rest is fairly similar; elite training camp, male bonding, token females, death of team-members, training montage etc etc. But all in all it isn’t terrible.

It is however full of very cliché in film history, so there are no surprises at all, everything happens exactly as you might expect. Even the “cool slow-motion shots” occur when you think they might. The only thing surprising about this film is the length. It does drag towards the end. And the beginning. And the middle isn’t too well-paced either.

But it is still watchable, laughable yes, but also watchable.

IMDb | Reason To Believe | PopDVD | The Renaissance Man

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Over the past few days I’ve been to see three films. And they were all crap.

First off I went to see Poseidon, which I expected to be crap, and so actually enjoyed it. A good mindless piece of entertainment.

But then I went to see X-Men: The Last Stand. Now after Singer left I thought it would be as good, so lowered my expectations. But obviously not enough. It was a mess. Too many storylines and not enough time to develop them. Good special effects and stunt work, but rubbish dialogue.

And finally The Da Vinci Code. Sigh. It actually lowered my opinion of humanity. To think that there are people out there who believe that this is true! I haven’t been able to review it yet, because of its dullness, I may try later. But in to boil it down, boredom, followed by a patch of dullness, culminating in an ending that isn’t actually and ending but instead you have to sit through another 30 minutes of pointless exposition that makes little if any sense.

So, not a good movie going week. Although in the latest Wind That Shakes The Barley trailer I saw, Cillian didn’t sound quite so Gift Grub Roy. Which is a relief.

And also, to any New Zealanders out there, can I just say “You Bastards!”

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Dir: Wolfgang Petersen
Writ: Mark Protosevich & novel by Paul Gallico

• Kurt Russell - Robert Ramsey
• Josh Lucas - Dylan Johns
• Richard Dreyfuss - Richard Nelson
• Jacinda Barrett - Maggie James

You know this was a surprisingly entertaining film. Okay, so the plot was wafer-thin, and the characters not so defined, and the opening shot of the boat incredibly boring, but ignore all that and instead enjoy the multiple deaths, the explosions, and possibly the world’s worst actor. Well maybe in other roles Andre Braugher isn’t too bad, I don’t know, I haven’t seen him in anything, but in his role as Captain he is totally unbelievable and deserves his fate for his lack of ability to deliver a line.

But back to the fun nonsense, because that is what this film is all about. Wondering who will make it, and who won’t. And more importantly how won’t they. Now the death count of the “core group” isn’t as high as a horror film, because this isn’t horror, it is a disaster movie, but there is still plenty of stunts and death along the way.

You know the plot right? Big ship, starts to sink, small band determined to fight their way out. A task made more difficult because the boat has been turned upside down by the rogue wave that hit them.

Fun, pointless and funny, although I’m not sure if they meant to be, I’d recommend this film for some totally mindless entertainment.

IMDb | Film School Rejects | The Man Blog | Samizdisandat

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