Emily O’Reilly reckons sex, alcohol and money are no substitute for religion. Nobody ever said they were. But as many Irish priests have eagerly demonstrated down the years, why choose one when you can have all four?

Because I’m bored, and lazy, and have read a similar one before, but can’t remember where, but it still raised a smile, I give you Only in Ireland, nicked from The Levee Breaks

Only in Ireland… Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Ireland… Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

142 Irish were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Irish are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. this one I am guilty of. Despite the fact that I do actually own a screwdriver and I generally know where it is.

13 Irish have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.see, now that is just a level of stupidity that you can’t measure

Irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. I’m guessing those were Christmas cracker wars?

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet. not so surprising.

18 Irish had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.see my response to the Christmas tree statement

A massive 543 Irish were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.Not done this, although I do have a habit of getting my tongue pinched when I try and open those stubborn pistachios that don’t want to be eaten

5 Irish were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.This is just fantastic

AND finally……… In 2000, 8 Irish cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet!