Cast: Enrico Colantoni, Lorella Cravotta, Olga Kurylenko, Robert Pattinson, Serge Merlin
Setting: Ancient times, Rome
Rated : 9 Stars
How better to start an episode than with forgiveness and a threat? As he takes his seat as dictator Caesar tells everyone that he forgives them, isn’t he a nice boy? But he also makes it very clear that if you do anything wrong again I’ll chop your head off, not in so many words no, but you more than catch his drift. We also get to catch up with poor old Brutus. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. His mother may have been stripped, beaten and had her hair chopped off, but somehow it is so very hard to find any sympathy for her.
Servilia and Atia meet up, both pretending that they know nothing of each other’s goings on, and that they are simply the best of buddies. Hmmm.
Another child of a scheming mother, Octavia has left the city. Fleeing to the sanctuary of some “foreign priests” and slicing open her arms to atone for her incest. Can you guess how happy she was when Octavian showed up. It would shame the family if people knew “a daughter of the Julii” had legged it. And, he missed her.
After that touching(!) scene we see our “solid Roman” Lamb attempt to win over the citizens of Rome, only to be heckled and have his gallic looks brought into the fray, before the heckler is bundled out of the streets by Posca’s little old gang. Looks like it hasn’t taken Lamb all that long to get his fleecy white fleece turning a little murky.
And back at headquarters Caesar and Mark Anthony inspect the “King of all the Gauls.” But Anto’s vague warning that his fate “makes you think” doesn’t seem to make much impression on our Caesar who simply agrees, but doesn’t seem to take the hint to heart.
As the rest of the city is getting washed for the upcoming triumph Chicken heads off to join up with the 13th so he can march in the parade. But he’s out of luck. Enlisted men only, so the centurian tells our “mumping hero of the legion” and poor old Pullo slinks off. Only he’s Titus Pullo so he doesn’t slink, he stalks, but still, inside he is slinking. Mean old centurian, we don’t like you. Poor Chicken. Not a soldier anymore, not even a butcher. Doesn’t know what to do with himself does he?
We cut back to Caesar, who is still getting ready. This time worrying about how purple his outfit is. And he no longer seems to appreciate Anto’s slightly snarky comments. Still, he is an honourable man right? So nothing to worry about there then.
And whats this, Quintis turns up outside Servilia’s, looking for Brutus to come out and play. Okay, to come out and kill the tyrant Caesar. Is that really such a great thing to be shouting on the streets? Servilia seems to think so and invites him in. Honestly, this woman! She then proceeds to write a lovely little missive, a letter to the population, hookers and all, letting them know that not everyone is so supportive of their brand spanking new dictator. And who’s name does she sign it? Brutus’. When he confronts her about this she lets him know that she would prefer if he were hung , drawn and quartered if that would help the republic. Yeah, like the reason Julius Caesar dumped her in the first place was the republic. Can’t she even come up with an original excuse?
But lets get back to our boys, they are so much more fun.
Lamb is being taught all about politics by Posca, which mainly seems to dirty Lamb more and more. But on the inside, so it is okay, his nice white tunic still gleams.
Chicken meanwhile wants to free Eirene so he can marry her. This proposal takes Lamb by surprise, but we all know that he isn’t really the best when it comes to people and feelings. He agrees to lend Chicken some cash so Chicken can move to the country, and eat himself lot of peaches. Oh, poor poor Pullo. The end of the season is still two episodes away, we know this can’t work out for you, not yet.
Everything seems to be going well though, which should make us all sit up and go “oh dear”.
Eirene is so very happy when Pullo tells her he has freed her. He’s even bought her a dress, so after kissing Chicken and telling him she loves him, she goes off to change. Pullo waits, patiently. Until another slave comes to say thank you. This confuses Chicken, why is he so happy. this is indeed the moment things go very wrong. This slave, limpsalot, is delighted because he and Eirene have been saving together, they wanted to free themselves so they could get married. Legally, they are married in their hearts now.
Pullo, well he was never going to take this well, and he bashes limpsalot against a pillar until the slave dies, twitching and fitting on the ground. Just in time for Eirene to return and wail at what has happened.
All the commotion brings Lamb into the courtyard, wondering what the hell is going on, he asks is limpsalot dead. Pullo tells him it looks that way. Chicken really seems to be regretting that ever so slightly rash act. But maybe it is just Eirene’s crying, it certainly seems to annoy Lamb who yells at her to shut up. At first Pullo tries to explain, but as we know, Lamb really doesn’t get other people’s feelings and goes on about the disrespect Chicken has shown him. Calls him a fool and everything.
So what do you call a man who thinks his wife’s bastard child is his own grandson eh? eh? But no, Pullo isn’t horrible enough to bring that up, instead he points out that our Lamb is slowly, but surely being corrupted, turning into a black sheep at the bidding of Caesar. Upset, Lamb wishes Chicken would agree to take this outside, but Pullo won’t fight him. He leaves, after trying to say sorry to Eirene only for Niobe to hiss evilly at him. He wanders odd, all alone and unhappy. Poor murdering chicken.
And who does he bump into? But another scheming bastard, in the form of Erastes Fulmen. Remember him, Mr. Mafia who threatened violence in a previous episode. Now he offers Chicken a job. Pullo is insulted, tells him he is a soldier, not a murderer (yeah, tell that to limpsalot). But Erastes has a come back of his own “these days there isn’t much difference”. *sigh* poor old chicken.