we are gathered here to today to tell Christmas to fuck off. It may sound harsh, Christmas after all, is the season of goodwill, harmony and other lovely-jubbly feelings, but, and this fact may surprise some of you, it is only October. Yes. October. Not even November yet, never mind December.
And so, I say to Next, with your Christmas trees in the window, Oi! You! NO! Hula Hoops are round, they’ll… Oops, wrong line. Where was I? Ah yes, Christmas is in December. Not November, and never October.
I have no problem with those “help needed for Xmas rush” signs. That’s just planning ahead. But although saying that there are only 95448 minutes til Christmas makes me feel I should go shopping, in reality that is shitloads of time. More than two whole months.
It isn’t even Hallowe’en yet, you know.
You may have decorations on display Marks and Spencer but I aint decorating. I hereby propose that Christmas, and all mention of this holiday season of good cheer be verboten. Ver-fucking-boten. At least until mid November All in favour, say Aye. All opposed, well, I don’t wanna hear from you.