The Expendables 3 dir. by

19 August 2014

Script: , , ,
Cast: , , , ,
Rated :

So once upon a time Sylvester Stallone thought it would be a great idea to get a load of 80s action stars, plus Jason Statham, and have a bit of fun making an 80s style action flick. And it was fun. And then he made a sequel. And then a turd1.

In this installment Stallone’s character of Barney whathisface is on a mission when he runs into a bad guy who used to be a good guy. Who used to be an “Expendable”. This times it’s personal and all that. So he fires his old team2 and hires some young guns that he won’t care about. And neither will the audience, because they have maybe one line of dialogue each in the whole film. Not that you’ll care about the old guys either, because they also have very few lines. More than the young guys3 though, maybe two each. Three for Statham, because he’s Stallone’s right hand man.

Stallone also brings Antonio Banderas along, despite the fact that he is old and Stallone specifically asked for young up and coming guys. It makes no sense to the plot, but it really works for the film, because Banderas was actually entertaining. So was Kelsey Grammar, but not enough to make me want anyone else to sit through this.

In some ways it does what you expect, but in my case, my expectations were so low4 that that really is damning with the faintest of faint praise.

  1. did you see what I did there hi-larious 

  2. he is worried about them, doesn’t want them to die, cause this bad guy is real bad see 

  3. guys being a gender neutral term here, in the Limerick fashion, because there is one token female 

  4. why did I go see it? Well there wasn’t anything else on and I’ve seen GotG twice already 

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