Susan Hated Literature

Dir: Tim Story
Writ: Don Payne, Mark Frost, John Turman. Characters created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby.

1. Ioan Gruffudd … Reed Richards
2. Jessica Alba … Sue Storm
3. Chris Evans … Johnny Storm
4. Michael Chiklis … Ben Grimm
5. Julian McMahon … Victor Von Doom
6. Doug Jones … The Silver Surfer
7. Laurence Fishburne … The Silver Surfer (voice)

This was pants. Complete pants. Not even bad enough to be enjoyed.
Harsh? Maybe, but true. I wasn’t overly fond of the first film but it did the job of light entertainment. This one though was boring. An unforgivable flaw in an action-hero flick. Everything was ultra predictable, and nothing sparkled. Not even McMahon as the ebil Von Doom. And I can’t be the only one who is totally Fishburne’s supposedly gravitas filled delivery of lines. Yes, it worked in the first of the Matrix films, but it seems as though ever since then he has been called upon whenever a “serious voice” is needed. Enough already. Especially when the Silver Surfer was probably the only thing about this film that I liked.

There isn’t really that much more to say about this. I wasn’t impressed. I was bored. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.

IMDb | Stainless Steel Droppings | Cinematical | The Movie Blog

Dir & Writ: Kevin Munroe
Comic characters created by Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman

• Mitchell Whitfield - Donatello (voice)
• James Arnold Taylor - Leonardo (voice)
• Mikey Kelley - Michelangelo (voice)
• Nolan North - Raphael
• Chris Evans - Casey Jones (voice)
• Sarah Michelle Gellar - April O’Neil (voice)
• Mako - Master Splinter (voice)
• Patrick Stewart - Max Winters (voice)
• Laurence Fishburne - Narrator (voice)
• Ziyi Zhang - Karai (voice)

Come on now, who doesn’t love the “heroes in a half-shell”? The main reason I went to see this was that is was on at the right time, and of course the nostalgia reason. Plus I haven’t been to see an animated film in a while. And this looks fantastic. Visually it is really great.

The plot, characters, and dialogue are less impressive, but still make for a fun trip to the cinema. We don’t get any origin story, just a voice over to bring us up to date on what is going on with the turtles. Leonardo is off in the jungles of South America, supposedly learning to be a leader, or at least that was the reason Splinter sent him off. Luckily enough April is poking around, looking for some statue, when she finds him and tells him that things aren’t going to well without him.

Don’t worry, he eventually makes a return to the sewers, and then discovers that the statue April brought back has come to life. Or back to life. See, 3,000 years ago there was this… ah, you don’t really want to know the plot do you? It’s the turtles, how involved could it possibly be?

Everything that fans remember is there; Splinter being all wise and kick-ass, Michelangelo stuffing his face with pizza, Donatello working with techy-type things and the constant conflict between Leo and Raphael^[1] So there is plenty to keep your attention, and it is exactly what it should be. A fun, entertaining film.

Official Site | IMDb | SciFiChick | | Cinematical | Film School Rejects

Writ & Dir: Emilio Estevez

• Harry Belafonte - Nelson
• Nick Cannon - Dwayne
• Emilio Estevez - Tim Fallon
• Laurence Fishburne - Edward Robinson
• Heather Graham - Angela
• Anthony Hopkins - John Casey
• Helen Hunt - Samantha
• Joshua Jackson - Wade
• Ashton Kutcher - Fisher
• William H. Macy - Paul
• Demi Moore - Virginia Fallon
• Freddy Rodríguez - José
• Martin Sheen - Jack
• Christian Slater - Timmons
• Sharon Stone - Miriam
• Jacob Vargas - Miguel
• Elijah Wood - William
• David Krumholtz - Phil

As you can see from that impressive cast list, this is a bit of an ensemble film, which means it runs the risk of the audience not caring about the characters. And I’m afraid it failed. I just didn’t care about any of them.

And the story itself was a whole heap of nothingness. I mean, I’m sure that it may have an impact on people who lived through the time, or for those who are big fans of Bobby Kennedy, but as a film it just didn’t work. It tried far too hard to push through some big message, but ended up coming over as heavy-handed, irrelevant and, to be blunt, crap. The various stories of the different characters are un-engaging. The acting is all fine, but the characters themselves are pointless. Pointless and boring. I kept hoping for it to end.

What did work was the insertion of clips of RFK, but to be honest, while I liked watching them I found it impossible to actually listen to anything that Bobby was saying. Maybe it was because I was so bored with the film, I don’t know.

Maybe it is because I don’t know anything about Bobby Kennedy, but this film did nothing but make me yawn. Then again, the film isn’t really about Bobby, it is about the people of the time and the affect he had on them. Everyone seemed to love him, or at least everyone in the film did, considering the fact that he got assassinated I’m sure someone must have disliked him. The film is a snapshot of one day in these various people’s lives, but that is it, there is nothing to focus on, or think about, or engage with. I just didn’t care about anything that happened.

Sure the ending works, but not because you care about any of the characters, but simply because it is people getting shot and panicking in a realistic manner. And of course because you know that this is all based on the truth.

Final verdict? Don’t bother with it. It’s crap.

IMDb | Cinematical | Edward Copeland on Film | Black Sheep Reviews