Why is it that when I wake at 4 on a Monday morning^[1] it usually takes me at least 2 hours 30 minutes to get back to sleep. Whereas when the alarm wakes me at 7 and I hit snooze I fall asleep again straight away^[2] Well? Well?

And why is that last 30 minutes of sleep so full of dreams? This morning there were incidents of changing clothes as I looked for something for work but could only find tracksuit tops^[3] And then something about a film about a German soldier during WWII being recruited to go back to Germany as an undercover spy after he’d been captured and shown what was really going on. And then talking cats. Or maybe a cat that turned into a person. I can’t remember exactly.

Still, at least I know the origin of that last dream. Cause the family at home are in the process of possibly adopting^[4] a stray cat which has been coming around. Only it is very shy, so whenever it gets spotted the sister and the mother put out food and then run inside. And much care must be taken before the beast is released from the confines of the house. You know, in case he devours it^[5] So that is where the idea of the cat appeared from, I’m guessing. But it wasn’t that stray, because it is black and white, whereas the dream cat was a great big tabby. Although he^[6] was round the side of the house where we’ve been feeding the stray. But he had something in his mouth, something soft and vaguely grey. Which I assumed was a rabbit, but didn’t think anything else until I found another cat sitting in the shed, and then as I turned around saw that Mr. Big Old Tabby actually had a kitten in his mouth.

And once he realized that I knew that it has a kitten he dropped it, and that is when he spoke, saying something about the kitten having a broken leg, and he was only taking it away to be taken care of. But I knew what sort of taken care of he meant, and it wasn’t the nice kind. Oh, no. More the rabbit in a vice and look at this big old sword style of “taking care” of something.

Ah, Father Ted. Sheer genius.

While I was in Sligo I was discussing phones with the brother, he’s been thinking of getting a new one, but doesn’t want to go online to buy one, and hates the idea of going into a phone shop. Don’t ask me why. But his phone has died so he needs to get a new one. And over the weekend, the other brother’s phone also died. Or maybe was murdered would be a more accurate description. It was manslaughter at the very least. See he went fishing. As you do. And was walking into the lake a little. And then he went in a little further. The water just over his ankles.

And then he went a little further. Just a step or two. And suddenly he was waist high in water, and stuck. Couldn’t get himself out and had to wait for the cronies to come and pull him free. Although he did remember to get them to take a photo first. What he didn’t remember was to take his phone out of his pocket. And if the water didn’t kill it, then the hairdryer did.

So two new phones needed at home.

Speaking of the brothers, I decided to get them tickets to the rugby in November for their birthdays. One had his 20th in July, the other will be some age or other^[7] in November. So I figured I’d get them two tickets. OMG! is the Irish rugby site slow? So slow that a slow snail could move faster. But I think I’ve managed it, two tickets for Ireland v Australia on Nov the 19th. Although I suppose I’m lucky that the brother couldn’t decide if he wanted an extra ticket or not, cause you are limited to 2 tickets per credit card. Not per person though. Which they could have done, because you have to log in as a supporter to get them, and then buy. So they are helping out rich peoples who have multiple credit cards. Unfair, says I.

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Weird dreams last night; doubly weird as in my memory now they all happened at the same time. Which makes no sense whatsoever.

Dream #1 involved travelling somewhere^[1] on a train. Only the train was set up with three tows of three seats. I was at the edge of the middle row, and next to me was some girl drawing pictures. Only when the train pulled in^[2] there was a right grumpy wan taking tickets and making us stand waiting in a big giant holding pen. All very boring. And then I was chatting with de fadder on the mobile talking about a house^[3] that I owned, but wasn’t living in, and why didn’t I give it to brother #2 as he needed somewhere to stay for the night.
Still stuck in this big holding pen, which was outside, when a plane tried to land in the middle of us all. And then either the dream ended, or I just can’t remember what happened next.

^[4]

Dream #2 I have even less memory of. But I know it existed, and was strange. So despite offering not even the slightest hint of what it was about it still gets listed in “the list of last night’s weird dreams”. Something about two women, who were possibly zombies, possibly not. They were mother and daughter and were chasing some man around a room, that looked like a classroom. Possibly because I was reading Anansi Boys yesterday, and that had a mother and daughter. Although they were in danger from a man…

Dream #3. The weirdest^[5] I’m not sure exactly how it started off, but I know there were two girls, 18/19ish, and an older woman looking after them. And they were planning to be married, or hoping to might be more accurate. So they needed dresses, so the old woman sent the blonde one off to get clothes, and she was very specific. For some reason she had promised the brunette that she could wear red, so the blonde was told to get something red, and something blue.

Then, in one of those sudden jumps that dreams like to do, the blonde one was in a room with some fella, a really good prospective husband, and he had a dress. Which was red, and blondie knew that it was red^[6] from the blood of this fella’s^[7] previous wife. But she also knew that he would marry whomever wore the dress. And there was a fair chance that he’d kill them too. But it was the only red dress. Possibly in the entire world.^[8] So she took it with her, and tried to tell the brunette and the old woman but they either didn’t want to hear, or didn’t care. So brunette wore the blood red dress. I don’t think blondie got her new blue one, she was just waiting for hubby to kill brunette so she could marry him next. Why she wanted to marry him, I don’t know.

Like I said. Weird dreams.

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Just in the door and I noticed the photocopier was out of paper, so I filled it. Then I noticed the toner light was flashing. Damnations. So I get toner thingy from press and mess and fiddle and put toner in machine. But the evil ink did fly through the air as I was finishing and now I have a lovely black spot on my shirt. I mean, you’d think it could have landed on my trousers, or jacket, both of which are already black, but no.

After this tale of woe, cheer yourself up by taking this quiz which was stolen from criminalenglish^[1] :

Had a very weird dream. Was at some music awards show, don’t know why, the music was all crap. And NM, your brother showed up, having just won the award for best new Westlife band! I don’t know, dreams are strange.

Anways, after listening to rubbish pop we^[2] suddenly ended up in a rabbit factory. Where (squeamish? then look away) rabbits were turned into burgers by throwing them into big mincing type machines. But as I watched one little white rabbit try to avoid being mushed all I was thinking was “Thats stupid. They should skin the rabbits first. Who wants to eat a burger and have a load of fluff in your mouth.”

There was more. But I don’t remember now. Still, all that is more than weird enough to keep people wondering.

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Isn’t it strange how dreams can be so vivid for those few moments after you wake, but 20 mins (or3 hours later) and you really can’t remember anything about them? Cause last night I had a great dream, but now I don’t remember anything at all about it. So instead I bring you this pic:

you can get your own dream picture here, (via Ten Miles Beyond the City)

It appears that war has broken out on the bogosphere^[1] The first skirmishes involved discussions of feminism and why some people were looking for more female Irish bloggers, and others declared they weren’t feminists and others said don’t be silly, of course you are, it is just your definition that is wrong.^[2] And then humour was brought into the equation, although other people didn’t appreciate the humour.

So now, the only solution is a WMD accusation must be levelled at one of the antagonists, so all the others can unite in disapproval. We can even have sanctions^[3] before one goes over the top and launches a unilateral hack-attack against a different blog, removing a random despot from their position as blogger and installing a pupp-a-blog.

Well, thats the only solution I can see.

Totally unrelated now, but who didn’t smile at the news that Man U lost last night. I’m not an ABU, in fact I’ll often vaguely cheer Man Utd on, but lately there has been so much crap going on there that I’m glad they aren’t doing too well.

And the budget was yesterday^[4] Must find out how it impacts on my taxes.

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Had a very strange dream last night. Don’t ask me what it means, or why it featured ants - I don’t know. I wasn’t in it. Neither was anyone I knew. Instead it was a little like watching a film. There were dinosaurs. Huge big things, made of stone, but alive. And spaceships^[1] And some evil spaceship destroying other spaceships. And then this teenager, who knew stuff. Quasi-mystical, only also computers^[2] And he ended up on a spaceship, with the dinosaurs^[3] Then the dream cut to an external shot, and the evil spaceship came zooming along.

And evil spaceship scanned the other one, which was round, and brown, but cool looking. And then fired on it. But not destroying it entirely.

Cut to inside and our teenage hero character dude is about to save the day…. with an ant computer? I don’t know. It was a dream. Only the bad guys had boarded the other ship, and almost captured our hero, who began to rearrange the ant-farms^[4] in order to save the day. And just he was about to explain how and why a delivery truck outside the apartment woke me up. At 5.30 in the morning. Bloody annoyed I was. Cause once I spotted the clock all I could think about was the fact that I’d have to get up soon.

So, dream interpreters, start your engines.

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Yes, I am still away, but I’ve had the foresight to set this to publish on Tues, just so I can bore you a little, without actually being online!

Had some very strange dreams last night (actually Wed. night, I’m writing this on Thurs). Well, one very long strange dream if I’m being honest, and I might as well be, as it isn’t that fas-cinating (that c is a hard c, for the authentic pronunciation).

Now, despite the fact that I’ve never actually seen The Village, that was what I was dreaming about. Only in my version there were zombies and eating people and general not nice stuff. But although I was in The Village, with eating-people zombies all around I wasn’t that bothered. Bit upset for Joaquin Phoenix (did I spell that correctly?), cause all his family got munched on, but he escaped so that was all right.

Anyways, that went on for quite a bit of time, with quite a bit of bashing in heads (the villagers) and quite a bit of eating people (by the zombies), which generally resulted in a hell of a lot of violence.

Only suddenly I was at home, watching all the action on the telly, wondering when exactly the red and yellow (from the trailer) was going to come into play. Cue Joaquin dabbing bits of paint here there and everywhere.

Then the alarm went off and I woke up. Weird.

You didn’t really read all this rambling shite did you? Mad you are.

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