it cant be bargained with, it cant be reasoned with, it doesn’t feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop

27 May 2017

So I’ve been mostly absent from www-land recently. My internet connection kept dropping, so when eir phones to say “how are we doing” I told them, “pretty shitty to be honest”.

Oh, they said, well your line is crap, you aren’t ever going to have decent speeds with that line!

Hmmm, said I, well why not upgrade it.

Ha, they said, you live in a rural area. You should move. Then your internet would be superfast.

Sure sure, said I, but it is really shite at the moment.

Ah, they said, well we’ll send you out a new modem/router yoke. Sure it probably won’t help at all, but it’ll keep you quiet for a while.

So I waited. And the internet was shite. And the connection kept dropping and the red light on the modem was constantly on.

So contact was made around 2 or three weeks after the initial phone call.

Do you know my internet is still shite, said I, and I never got my new modem. Any word on it?

Mo-dem, they said, what is this of which you speak?

Err, said I, I was talking to someone on the phone and they said they’d send a new modem out, weeks ago.

Hang on, they said and typed and clicked and clacked and eventually came back to say, nope. No modem was ever sent out to you.

WTF, says I. Also the internet connection keeps dropping. Can you tell is there a problem on your end or mine. Money is being rendered for a service. A service is not being provided. This is shit, you know.

Hang on, they said and typed and clicked and clattered about again. And then they said, Well I can’t reach your modem on my end, so we’ll courier one out to you and we’ll send a technician to check the line.

Cut to next day, and the technician rings to say, oh yea one of our *technical terminology* had fallen over and was full of water. That’s probably the problem.

Uh-huh, you think? Says I.

But I guess I’m back1 now I suppose. For as long as the yoke doesn’t fall over and fill with water again…

  1. see the wit, with the header image and the post title? Cause its from The Terminator, oh yes. The wit  

You may also like...

2 Responses

  1. anne says:

    That was a delightful, quite honestly.
    Welcome back!