Computer says no

31 August 2007

On my usual walk to work I encounter a considerable number of those free-newspaper-giver-outers[1] And all of them annoy me. Apart from the one I always take the Metro from. I always get it from the same guy[2] in the general vicinity of The Spike[3] And I usually carry it in my hand for the rest of my journey. So it is obvious to all that I have a bloody paper[4] Yet still, they stand in my[5] way with the bloody free papers, or even worse stick them out in front of me[6] as I go by.

But, whatever! I can deal[7] with that, although I did prefer that week, or was it two, when they reduced numbers and just left loads of the basket thingies around. Anway, that is beside the point.

This week there were the paper-peoples[8] but also a few other randoms giving out crap[9] One of whom filled my hands with L’Oreal product. Yay, you might say, but you’d be wrong. Cause it is L’Oreal men expert. So manly the stuff itself is actually blue[10] Could it get manlier? And, as I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I is not a man. And I think that this is pretty obvious[11] So why did this depositor-of-free-stuff-you-don’t-want-and-are-trying-to-avoid go out of her way to give it to me?

And… what is to be done with it? None of the fellas I know would be bothered with that sort of product. Plus, I saw that spanner from Lost advertising it on d’telly. And if Jack, aka Matthew Fox, aka annoying-preachy-pesky-tortured-soul-who-wants-to-help-save -EVERYONE-by-controlling-them-to-within-an-inch-of-his-life recommends something then it must be the spawn of Satan. Or at the very least the left over pieces of a hatch, or polar bear. Something I want nothing to do with.

So, peoples of www-land, what can I possibly do with three whole sachets of L’Oreal Men Expert?


  1. so have I designated them
  2. he smiles and always says hi
  3. Spire, pointless waste of taxpayers money, work of art, giant needle, whatever you want to call it
  4. errr not literally. Or at least, if it is actually bloody I will have a much more interesting post for yall, wont I?
  5. and other peoples too, but others arent even a quarter as important as me
  6. cause then you have detour around them and their outstretched hand with takes up half the footpath. Or dodge around them as they run for the bus. I hates that.
  7. just about
  8. shorter and more succinct designation
  9. Once it was cool crap, a squeezable pig that I still have.
  10. I mean, come on!
  11. more obvious in real life than online, obviously

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7 Responses

  1. jean pierre says:

    trow it in da bin.

    its incredibly annoying. i won't go into detail as to just how much i sympathise, otherwise some of my deeper and more evil prejudices will be unveiled.

    i do wonder why, even when one has the badge of a newspaper emblazoned on one's person in order to let them know that you've already got one, they still insist on proffering one in your face? why? WHY? are they A) blind B) trying to annoy you (in which case they should be throttled) C) having a laugh (in which case someone should tell them it isn't funny).

    i just wish they'd stop.

    okay – i went into a bit of detail.

    and now they've taken their idiocy to new hights buy giving you man cream…

    i fully sympathise.

  2. jean pierre says:

    by the way, i loved the post – as angry as it made me, i also found it very funny!

    and i love the little britain allusion. that is one of my favourite little sketches. isn't she just horrid?

  3. Fence says:

    I always thought a hat with the word "Fuck off, I already donate" might have a market. Maybe I should trademark "Fuck off, I don't want your free shite" as well :)

    Or am I being too harsh.

  4. Scott says:

    Ship in (internationally) to me, no matter what the cost. I'll tell you if it makes me feel like a man, and then you can recommend it to all your friends.

    I hate those people too. There are two crappy papers filled with typos and bad news that they hand out, a representative of each stands on either side of the subway stairs and eventually drift together so you have to go through them single file. At least I've glared at them both enough that they know not to offer me a paper anymore.

    But some of them are good like the Mexican lady who stands on the corner giving $2 off coupons for combo meals at Chicken Ranch. She's always worth a visit on the way to lunch.

  5. Fence says:

    Scott, email me your address and I'll ship them, no problems :) No matter the cost.

    2 quid off vouchers are worth a visit. Somehow we never seem to get anything like that though.

  6. jean pierre says:

    i'd buy that hat!! yahoo!

  7. Harlequin says:

    I'll take it off your hands, no shipping required. I can give it to my not-gay-at-all brother in law. :-)