- And I haven’t forgotten that it is time to play with Luna Nina:
- Order ::
- Mortician ::
- Determine ::
- Ignore ::
- Guy ::
- Crush ::
- Garlic ::
- Wacky ::
- Parent ::
- Burning ::
Archive for April 29th, 2007
29
Apr
Week 221
29
Apr
Pathfinder
Dir: Marcus Nispel
Writ: Laeta Kalogridis based on Veiviseren by Nils Gaup
- Karl Urban … Ghost
- Russell Means … Pathfinder
- Moon Bloodgood … Starfire
- Jay Tavare … Blackwing
- Clancy Brown … Gunnar
Five hundred years before Columbus another European people journeyed to the Americas. These raiders left behind a young boy, who was taken in by The People of the Dawn, and when, many years later, the Vikings return, he is the one to fight back and save his adopted people.
Okay, so you know the way you see a really really bad trailer and think to yourself, well it might be fun in a no brain, mindless entertainment way. Well this didn’t even live up to my low expectations. There is nothing to redeem it. Nothing at all. Well unless you want to spend 99 minutes watching Karl Urban fight. Which may have some attraction I’ll admit. But a bit of sense would be nice. This child was left behind and yet despite how ever many years passed he is still a great fighter. This maybe they can get away with because he kept his sword and we see him practising it. But the horse-riding ability? Yeah, okay! I know, I know, I really shouldn’t be looking for any sort of sense, but come on writer, you need some sort of thread that’ll tie things together. And since I’m being all negative, can I also complain that the fighting scenes were actually crap. I mean they looked cool and atmospheric, but I couldn’t tell what was going on in them at all.
And I really don’t want to get into the historical bit of it, but why on earth were the Native Americans portrayed as totally peaceful? I don’t know a lot about pre-european invasion America, but I’m pretty sure they would’ve raided each other’s tribes. I really did think that this sort of “noble savage” shite had died out. Guess I was wrong. And while I’m well aware that films need good guys and bad guys, and in the case of this sort of action film, very simple definitions of good and bad, can I just say wtf was up with that version of the Vikings? Did someone really want to make an “orcs v the Indians” film but couldn’t sell it?
In conclusion, urgh
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Tags: action, Clancy Brown, fights, historical fiction, Jay Tavare, Karl Urban, Laeta Kalogridis, Marcus Nispel, Moon Bloodgood, Nils Gaup, Pathfinder, plotless, Russell Means, silly, USA - pre-colonial, Veiviseren, VikingsRelated posts
29
Apr
Boy Eats Girl
Dir: Stephen Bradley
Writ: Derek Landy
- Samantha Mumba … Jessica
- David Leon … Nathan
- Tadhg Murphy … Diggs
- Laurence Kinlan … Henry
- Sara James … Cheryl
- Deirdre O’Kane … Grace
- Doreen Keogh … Mrs. Brumble
- Bryan Murray … Mr. Frears
You know the old story; Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Something gets in the way of true love, but they over come it to live happily ever after? Well, I suppose this fills all those clichés only as well as the teen angst we get zombies and gore. Nathan is good friends with Jessica but he wishes that they could be more then friends. He doesn’t ask her out because he is worried that she’ll say no and then their friendship will get all weird. His friends Henry and Diggs persuade him to act. If by persuade you mean they send a text from Nathan’s mobile and arrange a meeting with Jessica. But Jessica’s father tells her she isn’t allowed to leave the house, so poor Nathan is left waiting. Eventually he leaves, just in time to see Jessica, who had escaped her father’s watchful eye, in the local “stud’s” car. So obviously he thinks the worst and heads home to drown his sorrow in whiskey. And ends up dead.
His mother however has different ideas. Earlier she stumbled upon a hidden crypt in the local church and a book of resurrection. So like any good Mammy she brings her son back from the dead. Only there is a slight problem. His sudden hunger for human flesh.
There is nothing all that bad about this film, but there isn’t much that is great either. The zombie storyline takes too long to get started, although when it does there is plenty of gore and blood flying about to help pass the time. It also isn’t specifically an Irish film, in fact it is quite Americanised, although who knows, maybe secondary school students do all drive to school now. It is a fun no-brain way to pass the time. Nothing more, or less.
Actually the most note-worthy thing about this film is the fact that it was temporarily banned here in Ireland. Bloody censorship is just crap, especially considering that this is now rated 15. Oh, and that the snake in it is called Buffy. And he[1] gets his own picture in the end credits.
Linknotes:
Tags: 4 Stars, Boy Eats Girl, Bryan Murray, comedy, David Leon, Deirdre O’Kane, Derek Landy, Doreen Keogh, horror, Laurence Kinlan, mindless fun, rom-com-zom, romance, Samantha Mumba, Sara James, Stephen Bradley, Tadhg Murphy, zombies- yes he ↩
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