Does anyone know where I get my drugs?

23 March 2007

We’ll begin with the vague; this morning, or possibly last night[1] there was an ad on the radio. This of course is not a rare occurrence. There are many radios in the world, and usually they have ads. Every 15 minutes or so seems to be standard. But, getting specific here, I’m referring to a particular ad that I heard. It was a Cadbury ad.[2] but I’m not sure exactly what it was for[3] although it did mention Creme Eggs[4] and something else. Cow related[5] so possibly[6] Dairymilk related. Then again, possibly not.

Whatever the products mentioned, they were advertising some product of some description, but that isn’t important. What is important is the method of advertising. See they were going on about the love affair between the Creme Egg producing chicken and the the creamy milk producing cow. Fair enough, I have nothing against inter-species love affairs. However I am concerned that they managed to produce an offspring.[7] Let us call this offspring, cowick-egg, purely because I don’t think that that works as a snappy product name. So Creme Egg Chicken is female, cause only hens lay eggs right? And creamy-milk cow is female, on account of male cattle being bulls and producing a different sorta milk

Now this doesn’t mean they can’t get it together and fall madly in love. God no! Fair play to inter-species gay romances. The do tend to liven up farmyards and make them more entertaining places. So, fair play[8] to those two crazy kids for getting it together. But the fact that their love resulted in this new product, well colour me disturbed. Either one of them has secretly been infected with frog DNA[9] and so has gained the ability to swap sex and so has turned male, or, and to my mind[10] much more likely, one of them has had an affair with a male animal. Now whether this was a rooster or a bull I can’t say, the ad didn’t go into detail about which produced the wonderful new creamy-milk-chocolatey-eggy-goodness that makes up the new product. But either way, for Cadbury to be promoting this is wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong! After all radio is just like telly, only without pictures and different, and we all know how influential The Television is on everyday lives. We all live our lives according to the high moral standards of The Television[11] and the characters that live in that little box. Now, okay, radio isn’t quite a great as The Television, but still, with this example of non-monogamous behaviour, before you know it the world will be gone mad in an orgy of sex and partner swapping. And then it’ll be a short skip, hop or jump before we’re all murdering each other in our beds, for once you begin to step off the moral path, it is a slippery step slope all the way to the bottom.

Cadbury! I blame you for the moral decline of the world!

Either that or the cow or chicken have used some sort of genetic experimentation to produce their cowick-egg. And while, obviously not as bad as moral decline, messing about with the Natural World is never a good thing, and science is evil, and no doubt anyone eating this new chocolate goodness will die of some horrible, long-term, painful disease.

Or maybe the ad-makers are just stupid?


  1. time-travel makes this whole linear thing difficult
  2. still specific
  3. reverting to vague
  4. who were only mentioned here recently, imagine that
  5. vague and specific at the same time, lucky you
  6. and now speculation enters the race, isnt this exciting
  7. that being the new product being advertised.
  8. in a Ronán Keating Gift Grub style
  9. Films ARE fact remember
  10. my soap-watching mind that is
  11. you probably should be making some sort of bow down and worship gesture here

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5 Responses

  1. anne says:

    No idea where you get your drugs, but clearly, they're good!

  2. Fence says:

    Good? They are the best

  3. I think the story about the Cadbury van stocked full of creme eggs has come home to roost somewhat … (sorry couldn't resist).

  4. Fence says:

    No need to resist Stephanie, afterall, any comment is bound to make a lot more sense than that post :)

  1. 30 October 2007

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