If you’ve been reading this blog carefully and constantly then you may be aware that my flatmate watches the soaps, and therefore, so do I. Well, when I say watch I mean laugh at. I’ve always been a half-fan of Coronation Street. Not enough to go out of my way to catch it, but if it’s on I don’t really object, it’s hilarious. But this post is not about the happy-go-lucky Corrie, oh no, but about that other soap. The dark and depressing Eastenders what with its drug addiction, death, depression and depravity
Recently we’ve had the return of Phil and Grant the infamous Mitchell Brother slap-heads. And, the writers have been smart enough to take the piss out of their characters just enough. I mean, they aren’t the scariest guys in the world are they? But they are the bad-boy rogues who love their mother, and they are audience pleasers, so that’s okay.
The plot line which say them return is one that stretches back monffs so I won’t go into it all. It revolves around anuvver bad guy, Johnny Allen who has retreated to the countryside to detox with his only surviving family member, his dau’er Ruuuuuby
And Ruby aint too happy about her old man being of the criminal persuasion. And in the course of last week’s episodes she gave out to him for murdering people. Which prompted him to launch into a speech, the like’s of which has never been seen before on Soap TV. And which is the main reason for this entire post. Because, it was, without doubt, the funniest thing I’ve seen on tv in a while.
I’ve gone and built the expectation now haven’t I? Maybe I’d better leave you all in suspense. After all, your imaginations could probably come up with a better speech than the soap-writers did.
Okay then, what he said was something to the effect that “Murdering people? Whats the big deal? They’re only people. Not like they was whales. Or pandas. Not like I was killing endangered animals. Plenty more people left on the planet.”
Genius. We should have more environmentally friendly, goat’s-milk-drinking(nuffink against people who drink goats milk, but that is what was in his fridge when Ruby and Grant made the tea . ) psycho crime lords on the telly.