I’m fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

3 March 2006


Tonight, 12.00[1] sees a fantastic oppertunity for all British and Irish TV watching individuals[2] because, and I want you all to take a seat so the wonder won’t knock you from your feet[3] Nick Fury: Agent of Shield starring The Hoff is showing.

I say again, Hoooo-the fuck-yay!

But the world is not filled with good news, there is still a cloud blotting out most of the silver. Internet access at work is as hassle-full as yesterday. So if I seem to be ignoring you I’m not really saying you should Rack off, you dag[4] but simply have been unable to read/reply because webland is in open revolt.

I am however, proud to bring you an update in the War of Everyday Items:
Last night, as I watched Bones I became aware that something horrific had occurred. I believe a blade of popcorn[5] was responsible for slicing my tongue open[6]

So not only was there a physical attack, but I believe that the television has joined in and is waging psychological warfare. Nothing so overt as constantly showing those bloody Meteor adverts, but much more subtle than that. For as I watched Eastenders last evening[7] I was actually feeling sorry for one of the characters[8] Normally I watch this show laughing away in my head[9] at how they manage to make everyone’s lives so depressing and shudderific[10]

But feeling sympathy for one of the characters. This has never before happened. Things have gone too far I tell you, too far. What’s next? Thinking that Mike Baldwin from Coronation Street is sexy[11]


  1. or should that be tomorrow
  2. as long as they have access to UTV
  3. or indeed the horror if you are unable to view I/UTV
  4. Why am I speaking Aussi soap?
  5. I didn’t know popcorn came in blades, but really, it is the only rational explanation
  6. some slight exaggeration may be taking place
  7. just shut-up okay, I can watch crappy soaps if I want
  8. Stacey, with her bitchy-tough girl attitude only to have her only friend Ruby ignore her, awwwww
  9. not as mad as it sounds, honest.
  10. although I was possibly scared for life by the Pat & Patrick affair storyline, my eyes that saw, and my ears that heard! The horror
  11. – excuse me while I go vomit

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19 Responses

  1. NineMoons says:

    You made me laugh out loud at my desk. And I can't explain it to my co-people. They wouldn't understand.


  2. Fence says:

    Yes popcorn. Microwaved popcorn. When they make the next final destination they should have someone cut open an artery with popcorn.

  3. anne says:

    So it's apple sauce and mashed potatoes from now on, is it? (And I googled/IMDb'd Mike Baldwin, and we won't let you suffer like that. We'll kill you before you reach that stage.)

  4. NineMoons says:

    CAPOTE (15A)




    SYRIANA (15A)




    In that order. Kinda.

  5. Andi says:

    Oh my dear Lord, the Hoff!! And I hate blades of popcorn. They're deadly I tell you.

  6. Fence says:

    The Hoff with one eye Andi. How cool is that?

  7. Fence says:

    NM, I may go see Mirrormask this weekend and go to see Capote with you next week? Not sure how long it'll stay you see. Unless you'd prefer to go see MM instead of Capote?

  8. weenie says:

    hmm..Hoff actually looks good with an eyepatch! :)

  9. Wow the Hoff was in some stinkers…

  10. Fence says:

    weenie, I'm a bit worried by that statement.

    UI, I think <cite>Baywatch</cite> says it all, although perhaps the bouncy females distracted you ;)

  11. NineMoons says:

    I watched about three minutes of The Hoff. Logan's momma was in it! And her lips were normal. The Hoff looked magnificent.

  12. Fence says:

    I caught about two minutes of it. Any more and my brain may have melted :) Watched Wolf Creek instead.

  13. banzai cat says:

    Oy! Are you serious? They actually made a movie about Nick Fury? And starring David Hasslehoff? Now this I have to see!

    And popcorn is the enemy…!

  14. Fence says:

    They did indeed. And they are making a new one, although there are no details on imdb

  15. Fence says:

    <spoiler>ignore this, I'm just testing a new plugin</spoiler>

  16. NineMoons says:

    Hey, what's with all the popcorn dissing? I LOVE POPCORN. It may occasionally result in death through choking or slicing or whatever but it's a magificent accompaniment to good films and a welcome distraction in bad films. All hail.

  17. Fence says:

    Well, some popcorn is the enemy. And some popcorn is the enemy of the the enemy. Which of course makes it….

  18. NineMoons says:

    So you're sitting on the, eh, fence, Fence?

  19. Fence says:

    Not at all. I am totally anti the enemy popcorn. No doubts about that. But I quite like the other sort.