You’re a liar and a thief…. Murderer!

23 January 2006

ETA: pix added

*disclaimer* Peoples, by reading this post you all agree to not prosecute[1] and never breathe a word to The Law.

It seems I am an accessory to a crime. Not just any crime, but murder! Although possibly I’m worse than an accessory. I may be an accomplice. Shocking I know.

Sunday afternoon the sister mentioned that the cat(Missy) had been sitting on the freezer in the utility room, staring for about an hour. A little while later Missy wandered into the kitchen, gave one of her “I want, I want, I want” meows and turned around and wandered out. I did what any good cat-owner would do. Ignored her.

A little while later while putting stuff in the dishwashers I noticed her staring between two boxes on a shelf above the aforementioned dishwasher. I made several trips between the kitchen and the dishwasher. The cat remained motionless, apart from a swishing tail.

Eventually, cup of tea in one hand, I decided to investigate. I moved a box to the side. Saw nothing, but Missy shuffled forward a little. Head tilting from one side to the other[2] I took a swig of tea and moved the box again.

There in the gap between the two cardboard boxes hung a tail. Or was it a lace? I wasn’t sure, but figured the cat would make her move now. She didn’t. I went back into the kitchen, topped up my cup of tea[3] and asked the sister if she thought it was a tail or a lace. She didn’t know. Lot of use.

So I took the box down off the shelf, and waited for the cat to leap. She remained motionless, again, apart from her own tail.

At this stage brother #4 made his way towards the dishwasher. Now that the box was gone the mouse could clearly be identified as such. Hiding in a half empty packet of peanuts[4] unmoving, hoping that the cat would go away.

CATANDMOUSESo I gave the cat a little push. Afterall, you can’t let these home invaders get away with it. No joy. Missy remained, crouched, about to attack, but not. So, taking yet another mouthful of tea I pondered what my next move should be. In the past we have caught mice in plastic bags and released them into the wild, but this mouse was in far too awkward a position for that. So I took a deep breath and with a little puff made the mouse move its tail.

Just what the cat had wanted; confirmation that it was alive.

She half-leapt forward, carefully, because this was a rickety shelf only used for holding washing powder and cleaning products, and… no she didn’t catch the mouse. She knocked it down. Then crouched back down again, staring. Before making another half jump and catching the mouse.

And what wonderful thing happened then?
Of course, she brought it straight into the kitchen and promptly let it go.

Free. As Free as The Wind Blows, As Free as the Grass Grows

At least until the dog came in wanting to know what all our shouts of “No” “Missy! No. Don’t bring that in here.” “Out, damn spot” and suchlike.

So, seeing the dog coming the cat decided to recapture the poor lil’ mouse, but looked like she was going to jump up on the work surfaces with it still in her mouth. Luckily my foot got in her way, and with yet another “NO” I gently pushed her towards the open door, calmly asking the sister to make sure the back door was open. The sister grabbed herself a brush. A big yard brush and shooed the cat into the wilds of our back garden, where she once more released the mouse. Released and recaptured.

HOUNDThen the dog wanted to join in this game of cat and mouse, but a jealous cat is our Missy, so she legged it for one of the trees down the back of the garden and the hound had to be satisfied with killing a plastic ball.

So as you can see, this mousicide was not really my fault at all. Not to mention the fact that I would have been well within my rights to blow said mouse away with a double-barrelled shotgun as he[5] was, as I’ve previously stated, a home invader.

Oh, and then Brother #1 arrived with the new gasur[6] for us all to coo over.


  1. This has just as much legal force as all those ones at the end of emails, ie none
  2. remember she only has one eye, so sight isn’t exactly her strong point
  3. it is important to have something that prevents you from actively engaging with mice
  4. probably left on the shelf after someone put food out for the birds and forgot about them
  5. or possibly she
  6. this is an actual word, not one I’ve made up. Means young boy

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11 Responses

  1. anne says:

    So you're sure it's dead now? Because that might be your chance in the eyes of the law…

  2. NineMoons says:

    You made me WHEEZE with laughter. I'm in a shared office. This is not good for my image.
    Sorry for the mouse though.
    Maybe you should consider building a moat?
    BTW, cancel Wednesday and institute Thursday instead. Am spending Wed with the Beloved in celebration of the night we first met, 7 yeee-ars ago.

  3. Fence says:

    Good point Anne, I didn't actually see the murder take place. Although she does have form. There are a considerable number of orphaned avians around because of her evil ways.

    Thurday, grand. Kino? but what about Bones?

  4. NineMoons says:

    Bones is repeated and videoable. Or we go to an early showing and snaffle the telly off of Londoner when we get back.

  5. Carl V. says:

    Very funny! You did the best you could to do the deed humanely and should be commended…and your animals all got a good days' exercise!

  6. Misty says:

    ROFL. Could have been worse. Could have been a rat's head in the bed situation.

  7. Fence says:

    Anything in particular you wanna see, cause I'm probably going to go tmro?

    Carl, Misty, I have a picture of the mouse's tail. I'll upload it to flickr later on.

  8. NineMoons says:

    I'm gonna go see Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarhead with the Beloved on Wednesday. So can we PLEASE go see A Cock and Bull Story on Thursday? It's on at six so we've a good chance of commandeering the telly later on for BONES.

  9. banzai cat says:

    Well, I have the number of a pretty good cat lawyer. He can get you off on a techmeowcality.

    Good cat caretakers like you are hard to find, you know. ;-)

  10. Fence says:

    A cat liar? interesting prospect. Do they woem instead of meow?

  1. 28 May 2007

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