Susan Hated Literature

So I mentioned that I got my rat when I was back home in Sligo, and said I might post a pic. So ta-da: meet Terry.

And while I’m at it, here are two photos I took on the phone while taking the dog for a walk. As you can see plenty of grey sky but very little snow. In fact, there was none! I usually take the dog down that lane in the second photo and let him run along the sand chasing the birds. But because of the weather he wasn’t really all that impressed, and there were no birds, so he ran around in the grass instead.

There were geese flying over heard as I went for lunch. A whole giant flock of them, honking away as they migrated. You know what this means….

Bird Flu!

That’s right, it has faded from the news, with its o-so-catchy name of H5N1, no longer are the scare-mongerers’ mongerings^[1] taken seriously. In fact they aren’t even listened to. But I am here to warn you. “Ware the birds! Ware!”

Nothing like a little mindless fear to get the blood pumping.

Be mindful of the threat these feathered creatures embody. Be prepared to deal with the oh-so-deadly threat from the skies. This Avian Peril!^[2]

Mr. Brain Lesion should so star in a new film. The War of the Birds, okay, that one’s not so good. But still. Imagine the special effects. It’d be like an updated Hitchcock film with a bit of a modern disease-fearing population, and there would be explosions. So many explosions, I mean, think of all the flocks^[3] of birds we could blow out of the sky. Plus there’d be the opportunity to have a little kid, you know the type, blonde hair, big blue tear-filled eyes, try to defend his or her pet bird. Wow, echoes of that kid’s film I saw years back where a whole gang of children got together to “save the tiger.” This film would have everything.

Now, who should direct?

And in other news, is it just me or is John Billingsley (II) just plain creepy. For those of you scratching your heads^[4] wondering who he is, he played the doc in Star Trek: Enterprise or should that be plain ole Enterprise? Anyways the reason I bring him up is that he was on Nip/Tuck last night, playing this dude who wanted to get his leg chopped off because god had made him wrong and he was supposed to be an amputee, or some such. I wasn’t really watching I was more entertained by Fitz & co in Assassin’s Quest the book I was reading. But I do remember thinking his character should have turned out to be evil on what little I saw of Enterprise. He just has that air about him.

Also I saw him in an episode of…. hang on, I’ll get the name of this police-show… Cold Case? You know the one, with the pretty blue-eyed blonde^[5] police-lady who revisits old cases from the past and usually solves them within an hour cause she is just fabtastic^[6]

Whatever, he played an evil killer dude there too. One with mother-issues I believe. Liked to hunt women through the forest or somesuch. But thats all nothing to do with anything. The fact of the matter is that he just has a creepy vibe. I wonder does he know Niall Quinn^[7] ? Where was I?
Oh, yes Mr. Creep. he should be in my film too. He’ll be the evil scientist messing with FORCES HE CANNOT POSSIBLY COMPREHEND^[8] cause, you just gotta have one of those. Otherwise it is just a nature fights back film, and as The Day After Tomorrow showed, those films are shite.

Hang on a second, I just linked these two unrelated topics together, maybe I should go back and delete that dividing line, but it might mess up the picture. Guess I won’t.

Because I’m bored, and lazy, and have read a similar one before, but can’t remember where, but it still raised a smile, I give you Only in Ireland, nicked from The Levee Breaks

Only in Ireland… Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Ireland… Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

142 Irish were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Irish are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. this one I am guilty of. Despite the fact that I do actually own a screwdriver and I generally know where it is.

13 Irish have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.see, now that is just a level of stupidity that you can’t measure

Irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. I’m guessing those were Christmas cracker wars?

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet. not so surprising.

18 Irish had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.see my response to the Christmas tree statement

A massive 543 Irish were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.Not done this, although I do have a habit of getting my tongue pinched when I try and open those stubborn pistachios that don’t want to be eaten

5 Irish were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.This is just fantastic

AND finally……… In 2000, 8 Irish cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet!